Death and Re-Birth

In my past writings and meditations, I find many entries on being re-born, of the rising of the Phoenix, and other images of starting a new. The Zen meditation process is about new starts. Each meditation session is a practice of being in the moment, getting in touch with each breath and when we get side-tracked into the chatter of our minds, we can start over with a new breath.

This season of Easter and Spring is filled with images of death and re-birth. The death of Jesus and his resurrection, the appearance of daffodils lifting up their lovely yellow heads through the dead leaves of winter, new soft baby animals on the farms and in the forest, and the lengthening of daylight.

Although today I identify with a Buddhist life philosophy, I was raised in a rich Christian tradition of Easter and Holy Week. Memories fill my mind and soul with my Mother’s sweet voice singing “I walk today where Jesus walks” at the Upper Room Luncheon on Holy Thursday. As the church organist, I accompanied her at that time. She sang the song with such depth and meaning that by the time she started the last verse my eyes would be filled with tears. On Sunday Morning we would wake up early for the Easter Sunrise Service, which after I left home would be held at the hill-top house where I was raised. Later the church would be over-flowing with neighbors. Each one looking for the hope of re-birth, resurrection, and new life.

Cancer treatment is also a form of death and re-birth. Toxic chemicals are pumped into the body to kill new cells, to stop them from growing. After the death of these cells, both good cells and the bad cancer cells, the body can then experience a re-birth of new cells and hope for the future. This is my experience. The chemo drugs are in the process of killing the cancer cells. The tumor has dissolved and hopefully if there were other cancer cells in my body, they have also experienced death. When the chemo treatment ends on April 22nd, my body can then begin the process of re-birth. It can begin to build new cells and heal itself.

Our consciousness also goes through a death and re-birth. The psyche, spirit, soul goes through such a death during the chemo treatments. One tries to have a “good attitude.” There is gratitude all around and so many little acts of kindness. But the fear of death, whether recognized or not, kills our spirit’s little cells of hope. There is death happening in our bodies and to some degree deep in our unconscious we know that. Our hair cells die, our digestive track cells die, our white blood cells die. Little deaths through out our body. We experience the suffering and the death symbolized by the cross and a season of winter.

As in all of life, the resurrection process is alive. Every year, life gets recycled from fall to spring, from the falling of leaves to the sprouting of crocuses and early wild flowers in the meadows. Science tells us that no form of matter is destroyed; it is transformed into something else. This hope of new life nurtures our bodies, as well as our spirits and souls.

I remember some time ago attending the Bris of my great-nephew Owen. My father, Owen, had passed on a few years before and this little one was to have his name. Tears still come to my eyes as I re-connect to that day, holding the new precious little boy who was named after my father. There was something mystical in that moment as I looked at the beautiful little face and felt the weight of the little body sleeping in my arms. That moment symbolized the hope of new life and resurrection.

Life goes on. After death there is re-birth, nature recycles the death of winter into the fresh sweet flowers of spring.

The only condition for experiencing Resurrection
Is to die first; what does Resurrection–ba’ ‘th–mean after all?

Mathnawi
The Teachings of Rumi