Category: Buddhism

Tomorrow

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Breast Cancer, Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir

Tomorrow:  it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing

Dogen tells us “The Way is never separated from where we are now.” But we can separate ourselves from where we are now. Then we can’t act, but only react. And we react to our principles, our ideas, and we get tight and rigid, and we lose that swing.
Village Zendo Journal October 18

Tomorrow is my last treatment for breast cancer.  As I described in a previous entry, I have had four different types of treatment: chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and Hercepton, the latter being the longest—52 treatments.  Tomorrow after more than a year of weekly blood tests, infusions, weigh-ins, I will be free to spend my Mondays at work or at play, which ever I choose.  Although, most likely, it will be work! Continue reading “Tomorrow” →

A Firm Persuasion

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Breast Cancer, Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir

When we emerge from a descent through the valley of the shadow of death, and recover from the ordeal of such an illness, the body has survived. The soul questions come next:
• What will grow out of this experience?
• How will this change my life?
• What purpose might it serve?
• How may it contribute to having a life of significant soil?”

Jean Shinoda Bolen, “Close to the Bone”

Bolen’s book Close to the Bone has become like holy scripture to me during my cancer treatments. It’s sub-title; “Life-Threatening Illness and the Search for Meaning” has become my mission in a way. The book, once new, now after eight months of reading and re-reading has tattered edges, ink and pencil comments, red, yellow and blue sticky tabs, and a few green tea stains! It has become like the Velveteen Rabbit, worn but loved and definitely real. Continue reading “A Firm Persuasion” →

Little Acts of Kindness

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir, Uncategorized

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~Leo Buscaglia

I recently read that the task of life is to understand our minds and perform acts of kindness. I have been the recipient of kindnesses recently and would like to express my gratitude and share a few of them with you. Continue reading “Little Acts of Kindness” →

Christmas Eve

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir, Uncategorized

“What arises out of that quiet mind, that moment when we let go?
If we’re ready, and the experience is deep enough,
what arises is compassion.” ~ Roshi Pat Enkyo O’Hara, Abbot, Village Zendo, NYC

I went to the Village Zendo to learn about compassion. I was spending too much of my time thinking about my self, feeling sorry for myself, longing for a different life. My self was the center of my world, like the axis that my life revolved around. I wanted to change that. I wanted to feel the interconnectedness that the Buddha taught. I could understand it in my mind. I could see the cause and effect of everything that happens including our thoughts and intentions. But I could not feel it in my heart. I was feeling very much alone. Continue reading “Christmas Eve” →

Watching Law & Order

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Breast Cancer, Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir

“Yet, this knowledge depended on a journey:
Sharpness of mind alone could never win it.”
~ Rumi

I decided to have my own Law and Order marathon yesterday. I don’t own a television so I am limited to what I can download on my MAC or order through Netflix. Even without a TV, I have three shows I watch either online or through I-Tunes: Law and Order, Charlie Rose, and Bill Moyer’s Journal. I have more than three seasons of SVU, CI and the regular Law and Order on my computer. It is a great escape. Continue reading “Watching Law & Order” →

The path you take…

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Breast Cancer, Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir

“Whatever life presents to you, that is the path you take.”
~Roshi Pat Enkyo O’Hara

“…everyday is a journey, and the journey itself is home.”
~Matsuo Bashi

In August, before my diagnosis of cancer, I came upon the most outstanding Zen teacher, Roshi Pat Enkyo O’Hara. I was doing a Google search for Tricycle magazine and I found one of her podcast videos. Continue reading “The path you take…” →

Finding the Courage to Dance

Posted on by Dr. Bonnie Winfield in Breast Cancer, Buddhism, inspiration, Memoir

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
~ T. S. Eliot, “East Coker,” Four Quartets

“…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

As I entered the radiology department, the receptionist directed me to a door decorated with a large pink ribbon. I was the last patient for the day. I opened the door and found a comfortable seat. The facility was very still and quiet. However, my mind was anything but still, or quiet. Rather, it was a knot of information about cancer, treatments, tests, uncertainty, and yes, an overwhelming fear. I tried to calm myself by paying attention to my breath and the surroundings. It was a peaceful room with pastel colored paintings, magazines on the table and a coffeepot in the corner. As I looked around and stilled my mind, I noticed the music quietly filling the room. The words began to fill my soul – “And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” A song (“I hope you dance” sung by Lee Ann Womack) I used in a graduate social work class years ago. Continue reading “Finding the Courage to Dance” →